Sheltered Genius

I remember my sophomore year of high school, in which I was first introduced to the band "Blink 182". I was not introduced to the band by the hearing thereof, but rather by a girl donning their T-Shirt explaining that she "really liked them before they sold out." Having been previously home schooled, and not acquainted with things such as girls' communication patterns, or the term "sellout", I was not entirely sure what she meant, and for the same previously mentioned communicational cripplings, I didn't know how to acquire further understanding...so i guessed she was telling a colloquial joke and I laughed. She looked puzzled. In retrospect, it was baffling how much my persona was altered by the speaking with girls, and the perceived personality I must've had due to my attempts to appeal.

I've endlessly wrestled in my mind about the concept of sellouts in music, in art, in writing etc. The contradiction between expression from a genuine, untainted source, and the appeal to the audience of often collective mind. A consensus of value is applied to the understandable, corporeal fraction of human substance which is the product, "refined", packaged, tapered and sold in the process of "selling out." Often, the product, whether it be a politically charged essay, math equation, or breathtaking sonata, can have the title applied of "Genius", or "Masterpiece". These titles are based, I would argue, upon either mass appeal, or vote of an authority given such by mass vote or another authority, (cyclical). Thus, that which can be proven, demonstrated, and ultimately somehow observed in some way gains said merit.

Resolving my internal struggle with my potentially unrealized "selling out" is the concept, which I subscribe to, of the Observer Effect. I apply the Observer Effect, although most basically applied to physics, to human expression in that the observation of a phenomenon consequently changes the observed phenomenon. On a side note, I find it ironically hilarious that many scientists have dubbed the "Observer Effect" as a valid concept based upon experiments to validate the same. Anyway, not based solely upon the observer effect, but in parallel, I choose to embrace the fact that my craft, of any kind, is altered, even if slightly by any observing, or even expected to observe. Similar to a journal entry I know others will read. I welcome the sharing of the process. Risking the appearance of a complete nerd, I reference the movie "Stargate" (I've never cared to even attempt patronizing Stargate SG-1, or Stargate STD, or Stargate PTSD, or anything of the like), in which the protagonist eventually realizes that the required 7th symbol required to activate the stargate is the observing point of origin. If there are any dweebs amongst my MASS of followers, go elsewhere to criticize nerdological accuracy, for if this is not how the movie was written, it should have been. (example of perceived observation affecting my content).

I realize I may be cross breeding an apple tree with an orange tree here and there, but do so to express the inexpressible. I'm infatuated with the non-recordable, intangible, incorporeal, unobservable that due to scope limitations I will call "genius" for the sake of expression. That which is unsung due to being unseen; the "genius" that a Harvard produced test score can't demonstrate, and that the Nobel Peace prize can't validate, is that after which I would seek if I thought it findable. I'm not speaking of untapped dimensions...I don't think. This is the place where, for me, faith lives, not as in that hyper-loathed, horrid Cherie Call song "where faith lives", (i debate using my wording now, but stubbornly stand my ground against the wretched contradiction of that song...google the lyrics, and then google "faith"..."that's where everybody guesses, but you're the one who really knows..." grrrr, I digress) but the faith which connotes belief/action toward something without necessity of evidence. Thinking back on previous blog topics, I feel that the repetition of my limited ideas is like an autistic kid beating on a wall to signify hunger...what am i hungry for i wonder? is it the same "observation" that I claim alters? Do I just want to be altered?

Repetition or no, I suggest, that the unseen "Genius" some may or may not carry is protected by the inability to be observed. Poetry never written, equations never proved, Songs never sung are only metaphors I can make to express the quanta I don't understand, but can only ALLOW to carry intuition.